Ignorance leads to stupid actions, stupid actions lead to bad results, bad results lead to me feeling like the world's biggest idiot in a situation I can't get out of, and my feeling that way leads to denial/anger/regret, and finally, depression.
Can I get a "FUCK LANE, SHE IS THE BIGGEST RETARD ALIVE!" from my brothas and sistas?
Thank you.
I dropped by my drawing teacher's furniture store today to talk to her about the websites she wants me to do. I haven't given her a quote for it yet because she's not really sure exactly what she wants, and also she'll be wanting to add more to it later. I'm not sure if I want to charge by the hour, charge a flat fee for the initial site then charge by the hour for add ons, or what. I barely have an idea of how much it will be in the first place, because she's not even sure exactly what she wants. So I guess I just need to spend some time brainstorming and coming up with ways to put together what she seems to want, and go from there. Yay for web jobs.
Well, it's official. I've heard the entire Incubus album, Morning View, which won't be released until October 23rd. This is actually the first time I've heard an entire cd before its release, other than Fiona's When The Pawn. But Fi's album I heard on a burned copy of a promo, whereas Incubus I've heard solely on mp3. Normally when pre-listening to albums, I limit myself to half the cd at most, so I'll have something to look forward to when the cd is released. However, I just couldn't help myself with Incubus.
For anyone who is an Incubus fan, believe me when I tell you that they will not disappoint. This is such a beautiful album. I would note a few of the highlight songs, but I can't even decide that yet. This is one of those really great discs that you just sort of regard as a whole and play all the way through, rather than picking out your favorite songs. Special thanks to Super Sam for hooking me up.
This is Lois Lane signing off...
Scratch that. Well, supposedly my niece Alexis wasn't feeling good, and then of course they just showed up at the door saying "let's go." Well it's freaking overcast and getting dark quickly now. I don't want to get there and be forced to use ridiculously low shutter speeds. I suppose I could call that art photography, but no. I think we'll wait till Monday night.
Hitting the fair tonight as planned. It's getting late, so I have to shake a tailfeatha if I want to catch the sunset.
I'm quite amused by this Portraiture assignment. We have to find a color lab we want to work with, but these people are professionals. They don't want to deal with student or amateur nonsense. So basically we have to lie and tell them we're professional portrait photographers, toss out a made up studio name, etc. What fun.
I am adoring the new Incubus single, "Wish You Were Here." Obviously, it applies to me and a special someone.
Alright, off I go...
Well, my plans were to hit the fair tonight and blow a couple rolls on all those pretty lights. Around 4:30, my sister cut her finger pretty badly while washing dishes (something about broken glass) and had to go to the emergency room to get stitches. So we pretty much decided not to go tonight. I'm too tired to drive all the way out there myself right now, so I think I'll just wait and go tomorrow or sometime this weekend. Fair photography is always fun, especially at sunset. The colors are absolutely stunning. Hopefully I'll get some good shots out of it.
Some guy from World Magazine wants to interview me (yes, me) about the "camgirl/guy phenomenon." I agreed. What the hell, you know? I don't think I fit the description of "camgirl" as the media seems to be interpreting it. I don't have my wishlist posted, and I've never had any old men buy me things because of my looks. And I prefer it that way. I also show no boobage. That's just not me, you dig? I dunno... maybe this guy understands that. I'm curious as to what his questions will be. Hmm... intavestink.
This is absolutely disgraceful.
So my mom comes home for lunch today, brings in the mail, and opens a letter addressed to her. It was a check she had written to some company, and she wondered why they were sending it back. ahaha. My mom literally snail mailed something back to herself. She made me a yummy banana sandwich, so I tried not to laugh at her too much. But it was funny as hell. My mother has lost her damn mind. :)
In the news, it seems that the very last original episode of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood will air this Friday. Make believe will never be the same. Won't you be my neighbor?
I've been pretty much neglecting this blog, I know. I've just been busy with damnthepacific.com lately, trying to get it finished and set up. Now that it's open, I'm concentrating on trying to get some traffic flowing through there.
How is it weekends go by so damn fast? Tomorrow I shuffle on back for a full day of class. I really hope to have a decent week. None of my classes are particularly hard to deal with right now, at least. I do need to complete two more sketches for Drawing tonight, and work on this big map assignment for Western Civ. It's not due till the end of September, but I figure I should just get it over with now, while I have the time and very little stress.
I attempted to start watching Chicken Run on one of our many Cinemaxes (we got digital cable recently... so much to choose from), but it has severely disinterested me. I dunno... just not in the mood, I suppose. I think I'll go work on those sketches so I can get them off my mind.
Huzzah... damnthepacific.com is now live.
Oof. It is going to be hard as hell dragging my sorry ass out of bed every Friday morning just to go sit at school for 50 minutes. I did not want to get up this morning, even if I did receive a lovely wake-up call. But amazingly enough, I managed to get to school early, and afterward I dropped by to say hi to my mom at work, then picked up some Cherry Sundrop. Huzzah.
Today was much better than Monday, thank god. As far as classes go, we have yet to discuss any history in Western Civ (he promised we would get to that on Friday... hehe). Doodled in Drawing. Finally got the semester schedule for Portraiture, and it isn't the monstrosity I first feared it to be.
You must understand, first of all, that I am programmed to have 5-7 shots/prints plus due per week from when I was at AIA, but for this class we have 6 projects period. Our first assignment is to simply find a good professional color lab that we can work with. Then, for the second project, Mr. Cole will act as the photographer and will go through a series of different setups with us to show various types of portraiture and how he works with a subject. All we have to do is process and print his film. Then there will be four actual shooting assignments, and a "course project" which he hasn't said anything about yet. So basically, it no longer seems the big bad wolf.
I also got a job offer today, surprisingly enough. On Monday in Drawing, when we went around the room to introduce ourselves, I said that I was a photography major and was into web design, blah blah blah. Today, my Drawing instructor came up to me asking if I did websites, and I said yes. She said she needed a website for the store that she owns, and also her husband sells pocket knives, so he needs one too. We exchanged numbers and info, so hopefully I've got myself a little job.
So yeah... um... woo hoo. :)
Oh my fucking goodness. I have to take a moment to worship Dillon. He bought me possibly one of the coolest presents any friend has ever given to me: the original 1960s version of Little Shop of Horrors. I want to give him a big fat red lipstick kiss. MWAH!
Last night, mom and I stopped by Target to look at this bookshelf. We ended up buying two of them, since they were on sale. They match a 5-drawer chest I bought from there a while back. I also bought a smaller lamp that is in the same style as a floor lamp I previously bought there. I guess I'm slowly collecting things that I would like to have in my apartment... that is, when I get one.
The funny thing is, that I also looked at a bedroom suit a long time ago that matched all the rest of this stuff perfectly... dark wood with silver handles and such. It had two bedside tables, a bed frame, another table, and I think the other thing was like a makeup table or something. But it was $1,000 for the set, and I don't exactly have that kind of money lying around. Even if I did, it would be put into a plane ticket fund to get Stu's Aussie ass over here. But I know what to look for when I do start looking, at least.
...Not that it will be anytime soon, you understand. I won't even be moving out of here for another year, and I don't even know if I'll be getting an actual apartment then, or living in a dorm or something. Who knows. Either way, I want to keep collecting things so that when I do have an apartment, I won't have to be so worried about buying lots of furniture. Yay for new stuff.
XCandiMamiX: hey lovely would you like to trade pics ?
Trianide: This is my away message.
XCandiMamiX: holler ?
Trianide: This is my away message.
You gotta love makeoutclub.
"Shot through the heart! And you're too late... baby, you give luh-huh-ovvve... a BAD name." Bon Jovi = fun torture over the phone. :)
Fucking hell. I had a shitty day. I was a little nervous driving, of course, because it was my first time driving by myself. I get to school, and the parking is fucking insanity. I'm gonna have to start getting there early to have time to find a place.
Western Civ. I got there a little late. I know this class will be good, because I've had the teacher, Mr. Bock, before with two semesters of US History. He's a really interesting and funny teacher. His tests are hard as shit, but he's good at what he does. Plus, we'll be discussing the Greek and Roman civilizations, which I already know a little about from Art History, as well as personal interest.
Drawing Fundamentals. I've never met this teacher before, but she seems to be very amicable. I'm not worried about this class, since there are other beginning drawers there, and everyone in it seemed to be cool. We got out early too, which is always a happy thing.
I had about a 2 and half hour break for lunch after Drawing. I walked across campus to get a parking tag and buy books, which took all of about half an hour... so I bought a bag of pretzels and a Cherry Sundrop and settled down to read The Basketball Diaries in the shade. I didn't feel like coming home because I knew I wouldn't want to go back to school, plus all the shit about parking. That wasn't so bad though, I enjoyed getting to relax for a while.
Portraiture. This is the only thing I'm stressing over. Being that it's a second year class, a lot is expected from you. We'll be working with color and black and white, and can use any format camera we choose. Which is cool. However, it has been a year since I have worked with medium format, any type of studio set up, and color darkrooms. Therefore, I am feeling a bit intimidated, because I remember very very little about medium format and color, and absolutely nothing about studio lights. I'm sure I can handle learning to work with 120mm and color darkroom again, but the studio projects are what I am really worried about. I don't want to be bringing models in when I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Which is another thing that will be tough... we have to go out and model hunt, and when we do the shoots they have to sign a release. I don't know what I'm going to do about that just yet either.
I don't know... I which I could take Basic Studio Lighting again and just audit it to refresh my memory, but they won't offer it until next semester, and I can't just take two classes. Not sure what to think yet... I guess I just need to talk to Mr. Cole.
But basically just stupid shit happened. Like the fact that two of the buttons on my shirt kept coming undone (yes, the two right over my damn breasts) every two freaking seconds when I was trying to walk around. I think it's because of my messenger bag, because this shirt has never done that before. So I had to walk around trying to hold my shirt closed or fixing the buttons or with a notebook over my chest. I am NOT wearing this shirt to school again unless a) I have a couple of safety pins holding this bitch together or b) I wear it open over a tank top or something.
Then I fucking lost the fucking Hello Kitty charm on my car keys. Normally I wouldn't stress over it, but it was a gift from Sam when I went to visit him in February, so it holds personal value. :( I didn't notice it until after Drawing, when I pulled my car keys out of my bag and saw that this little dice keychain I have had come undone and the Hello Kitty was gone. I wish I had just put them in the main bag, but I put them in this little side pocket made to hold a cell phone or something... it has little holes at the bottom corners, and I guess it fell out. :( I was so sad.
Home sweet fucking home.
Man... it is completely one thing to wake up at 7:00 am when you want to get up, and another when you have to. Bahhh. So I start my new classes today. Portraiture, Western Civ, and Drawing Fundamentals. Wish me luck.
From: [email protected]
Date: Sunday, August 19, 2001 1:34 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: will u be my girlfriend?
Message:
[blank]
From: [email protected]
Date: Sunday, August 19, 2001 2:40 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: will u be my girlfriend?
Message:
Do you yahoo?
My apologies for the lack of blogs lately. Today I've just been a lazy bitch, but for the past few days I've been spending my free time on another project, which should be making its debut very soon. The design is together for the most part, but the content still has to be taken care of, which I hope to have finished by tomorrow, before I start classes on Monday. Oh my my my... back to school it is. At least I worked it so I only go Mondays and Wednesdays, and for like an hour on Fridays. Huzzah. Now I just need to find myself a freaking job...
Gyration and masturbation and goth jock, oh my!
Go white boy go white boy go!
Hmm... I felt bad at Media Play tonight. I was perusing innocently enough. I headed over to the new age section to look for a book on tarot spreads... made myself a comfy little spot on the floor, and flipped through. A guy in an orange shirt came to the same section to look. No big deal. I noticed his orange shirt... I like orange.
So he disappears after a little while, I decide on a book. I go look for my mom and Lexi. My mom tells me that she needs to spend $30 on books to get some bag she liked they were offering for free. So I decide to raid the fantasy section for some Terry Pratchett. I head over... I see an orange shirt already there. Alrighty then. I find the Terry Pratchett selection, and after a while I decide to keep Wyrd Sisters on hand as a possible buy.
Light bulb: I should find the photography section. I head over... freaking orange shirt looking at art books opposite of photography. Damn. Who the hell wants to be stalkerish? So I head to poetry instead, and wait till he has gone to go and check out their photo selection. I find one I want, so I head back over to fantasy to put the Terry Pratchett book back in its rightful place. Freaking orange shirt. Double damn! So I laid the book on the table and headed to the cash register.
Ugh. Long day. Went to dinner. Bought new glasses. Also purchased two cds (Etta James, Her Best, and Michelle Branch, The Spirit Room), and two books (The Photo Book and Power Tarot). Went and picked up the new glasses. Came home. Played with Lexi. Read a chapter of Harry Potter to Lexi. Came down to my room. Crashed in my computer chair. O to the o to the f. Oof.
Hells yes. I, a 19 year old, previously non-driving individual, have finally got my license. Excuse me while I do the cabbage patch.
I swear, even though I was previously aware of the ridiculous Episode II title, when I first read this I thought it said "Attack of the Clowns." ahaha.
My electronic sensei, Ryan, sent me a list of various recommendations. I just downloaded a pile of jungle mp3s, and I'm really digging AK1200. I was checking out his schedule, and it appears he's playing Atlanta for New Year's Eve. Hmmm... maybe if a certain someone is here with me to welcome the year 2002, we'll have something to entertain us. Huzzah.
Numquam magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. Latin for "There has never been a great spirit without a touch of insanity."
"Please help us, please understand our situation" ... we've had no sex for a month!
Alright, still serious issues to address. I finally have the right combination of things to make php work on my server. If I upload my index manually with all the lovely dotcomments code, it works fine. However, once I copy and paste to my Blogger template and publish, I get an error 500. Yes, I even changed the chmod. (I have to have php files set to 755 for them to work.) Can one of you geniusfolk tell me why it fucks up while going through the Blogger process, and if there's any way to avoid this silliness? Sssankyouverymuch.
Okay, I feel better now. Sorry for the bitching. I know there's no need to show skin and all, it's cool. I just have a friend that I let get to me, and I shouldn't have let it bother me. So yeah... I'm taking a chill pill. :)
Why is it an issue that I don't show cleavage, that I'm not your run of the mill fucking titslutting, ass-jiggling, attention obsessed cam whore? Do I need to cut my hair, make alluring pouty faces, show more skin? That's not fucking me. Why is that not good enough? Why does that make me innocent or asexual or some shit? Just because I won't give it up for all the world to see? I'm not in freaking moth balls, don't you worry. Fuck it, man... I'm tired of trying to prove that part of myself to people. But enough of that silly rant... ::sigh::
ArsonIsFun: oof
Trianide: double o to the u to the oof uf
ArsonIsFun: lol
ArsonIsFun: h to the izzo?
Trianide: to the l-a-n-e lane train
Trianide: the d to the dilly-o dillpickle dillydill dilldo dillon
Trianide: god I am slap happy
Ryan is my electronic sensei. He just had me listen to Christina Aguilera jungle. How absolutely fucked is that? :)
I finally just got to watch Sex and the City and Six Feet Under, and loved them both. Hello, HBO.
After months of avoidance, I joined my family at the lake tonight. My dad and stepmom own a little land there that they bought from my stepmom's parents, and they've built a new dock and bought a boat and such. I've always loved boatrides at least, I'm just not overly anxious to swim in nasty ass water or sit out in the sweltering heat all day without said swim breaks. Therefore, I've pretty much avoided going, until this evening. I had a little fun, took a couple rides in the boat, chatted with my cousin, what have you. It was just nice to get out of the house.
How I managed to get linked by and along with target="linkage" onmouseover="window.status='rocketkid.net : groovy read, groovy links'; return true" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true">such groovy people, I'll never know. But one thing I just realized... I've been visiting target="linkage" onmouseover="window.status='vacant.cc : it\'s a bird, it\'s a plane, it\'s time girl!'; return true" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true">Leah for... a long ass time, but somehow I never linked her. So there it is, and I'm sending some good karma her way. Hi target="linkage" onmouseover="window.status='vacant.cc : it\'s a bird, it\'s a plane, it\'s time girl!'; return true" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true">Leah.
Word of the day: snib.
Ryan is the shit. He was doing some live mixing last night, and while I was listening, I asked him about the various genres in electronic music. He stopped and played me some records so I could hear the differences. I had previously only heard a little trance, but soon discovered that I am, as Ryan would say, a junglist. That shit is insane. I love it. Thanks, Ryan.
Holy shit. Gail just informed me that Tori Amos will be here in October, and the opener will be none other than the fantabulous Rufus Wainwright. Holy shit. Good music is on its way to me.
Okay, well... I've been working with both >dotcomments and >cgicomments. I can't even get a test php page to work, and my host won't let me fucking set cgi to anything above 755. It just gives me an internal server error page. I am so frustrated and pissed off right now, I can't even fucking tell you. I've been sitting here for hours trying to get this shit to work and even enlisted the help of a couple people that know what the hell they're doing, and nothing has come of it. Fuck you too, >PowWeb.
I'm attempting to add comments with serious technical difficulties due to the fact that my host is assinine. So... please bear with me while I test shit.
Fuckin a! I am so miserable at the moment. I waited and waited and waited to grab tickets to the Alicia Keys/Maxwell show on September 20th. Somehow I ended up on the 27th row. This at the same venue where I picked up 3rd row tickets for Tracy Chapman, and 4th row for Fiona Apple. Damn damn, double fucking DAMN!
Damn, I think about 5 hours of my day yesterday were spent on the phone with Stu. I wish that could be done more often. I feel so much closer to him when we can really talk, like he's not so far away after all. It was a good ending to a week which started off on possibly one of the worst 24 hour periods of his life.
However, yesterday he was told that he would be brought back to GPU GasNet for more work, maybe in about a month, and that a pay raise would not be a problem. Hells yes. So until then, he has time to rest and get his business off the ground.
Damn international long distance rates, damn the Pacific, and yay for Stu. So go congratulate him already!
It's about freaking time.
Damn, damn, double damn! I wish I had known about this project before the second session began. It sounds so ridiculously cool. Hopefully I can catch the sign up for the next group. Biznitchin.
Last night I went for a drive with my mom out in the boondocks, near some land my grandfather owns. I suppose it was good to get some practice on those curves. I am not at all comfortable going like 50 mph on narrow, winding roads, especially when some redneck jackass is following me all close and I'm already over the speed limit. Why people have to be such dicks, I'll never know. But I figure if they're on my ass and I'm going the limit or above, they need to slow down anyway. Nothing is that damn important.
But enough bitching. Special K red berries cereal is an absolute work of genius. Yum.
Bring on the questions, yo.
Oh my goodness... I'm watching Mannequin. You have to love this movie, it's just a classic 80's kitschfest. And wow, I am hungry. I'm just waiting for the mother ship to come home for lunch. Yay for nutrition.
Go ahead, ask me something.
It is so disarming when something horrible happens to someone you love. I heard one of those words you never want to hear... "cancer". For a moment, my mind wasn't right. I could say nothing. It's been days, weeks, months of living life in a mundane cycle, trapped in my own little bubble of reality. Now, the universe seems at its biggest and baddest once again. Life no longer seems invulnerable. And even though it's not as bad as it could be... things are still shaken up.
My heart skipped a beat this morning.
I need a plane ticket now more than ever.
Holy shit, I need a macro. First there was the gigantic moth, then came the bigscarymomma of a spider. This morning, there was a spider rebuilding its web on our front porch. It has a huge, triangular abdomen with spikes protruding from its back. I think it must be carrying eggs. I unfortunately couldn't capture it, since it's too small.
It's a good thing my camera was already loaded with film, however, because just as I was talking to mom outside while she was working in the yard, I looked down and spotted a praying mantis crawling up the side of Alexis's play house. I ran in and grabbed my camera and took a whole roll... and even touched it. I wish I had a macro lens today, more than ever. I would have some really amazing shots at this point. I try to compensate with composition, but I dunno... if I could compose it closer, I would have much better photos.
I think the most interesting shots I took were once the mantis climbed under the roof of the house. I went around to the other side and took photos through the window. I tried silhouetting it against the blue roof and yellow wall (it was sitting on top of the wall, against the blue) with a spider and its egg sack also silhouetted further down the wall. I'm hoping at least those will work well.
Yay for buggies.
Out of boredom, I've been stuffing my wishlist chock full of things I dream of seeing on my shelves. I don't link this regularly because I don't expect people to buy me things just because they visit my blog. However, I enjoy looking through other people's lists from time to time. I think it can tell a lot about a person. So I thought I'd link it. Huzzah.
Oh shit, I just stuffed myself with some yummy Japanese takeout. Now that I'm not starving anymore, it makes me want to sleep. I got about two hours in before midnight last night, and I haven't slept since... I'm probably gonna end up waiting until tonight to go to bed. I haven't stayed up that long in a while. I can tell I'm already tired though... so far I've bumped my head twice, my elbow once, and my knee twice. Smooth, I tell you. I want so much to go to sleep, or even just lay down, but I don't want to get my schedule all fucked up again. Damn.
And another one. (Sorry, it's just too much fun for a bored, lonely and sleepless girl.)
"Wow...it's a delicious day for you, so you should proceed naughtily. As it turns out, that "certain someone" that you've had your eye on wants to fuck with you. Be careful, though, since you did meet Stu in Australia, and Stu is 13 years old. This is a bit different for you, based on the dating characteristics of a Pisces, but different can be good. If you really do want to fuck with Stu, just make sure to carry a testicle with you. You never know where these things will lead!"
Oh my goodness... I just found a new toy.
I'm interrupting the regular broadcast of bloggerisms to gather your attention.
I'm getting over 100 hits a day now (that's a lot for me, damnit), and therefore I need to remind you all that I have a lovely ongoing project called A Day In The Life. It's shaping up to be a really interesting look at what others see day to day. However, lack of participation is stifling what might end up to be something very cool.
I know the site isn't exactly thorough right now... I will take some time out soon to complete it. So take a moment to view the entries, and if you're not sure exactly what the project is or you have questions about the guidelines, don't hesitate to ask me. Please please please contribute, or at the very least spread the word to potential participants by blogging it, linking it, or telling your friends about it.
Oh, and please consider the project idea that came to me yesterday, if you prefer writing over photographs. Sssank you very much.
/shameless plug
Another piece is added to the puzzle... ghosting.org was open. I grabbed it. So are you interested?
Lately, every time I go to take a nap or sleep at all, I think of something I need/want to do and get up to do it. This is the one and only time of day I am not a chronic procrastinator.
It's a recurring thought that I would like to do a group blog. I've resisted it for so long because it seems to be just another one of those things that has caught on with everybloggerandtheirmother, something I don't want to be a part of in the general sense. But I was thinking just now as I was lying in bed (of course), after chatting with Stu on the phone. I had asked him rather randomly if he ever notices those moments in life. You know the ones. Sometimes it's deja vu. Sometimes you look at something in your surroundings and for a split second it seems changed or surreal. Sometimes you catch yourself in a moment where, for just a little while, everything is perfect. They might be hard to remember, but you know you've had them.
I have my own little words for things. The name of this site is one of my words. The title of this version of the design, mindscribble, is my word for the way I write poetry, or... how the poetry writes itself. And so I've given those fleeting moments in life a name: ghosting.
Long story short, I'm looking to round up some friends who are interested in writing and documenting moments in their lives where they find themselves taking note of the little things. Remember that this is just a thought in its very seedling form, and I am open to ideas and input as well. So if there is interest in that little brain of yours, talk to me.
David is auditioning to play bass for Bethany Curve today. They've had quite a few songs air on Real World, and have done tours in the States and Europe. Much luck, muchacho.
>Stu just surprised me with a call saying goodnight. He had to whisper the entire time, so I picked on him for being stalkerish. I couldn't help but laugh�because he was happy, the way he was whispering reminded me of the crow when he saw >Mrs. Brisby's stone in Secret of NIMH. Oooooh, a sparkly!
"All this time I've loved you, and never known your face
All this time I've missed you, and searched this human race
Here is true peace, here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul, bathed in your sighs
Wanna stay right here
'til the end of time, 'til the earth stops turning
Gonna love you 'til the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for"
23 year old photography student at the San Francisco Art Institute.
